Forgive It Is Not About You

The definition of forgiveness states that it is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding an offense, let’s go of negative emotions such as vengefulness, with an increased ability to wish the offender well. Do you believe it is easier to forgive or not to forgive? Forgiving is an action that can be a challenge for the best of us, but learning how to choose to forgive others is beneficial to our peace of mind and a valuable characteristic to master. It takes a lot of practice, praying, and patience daily for us get to a place in our life to be able to do so, the level of hurt or the intensity of the act can have a negative effect on the process of forgiving each other. It can be twice as difficult to forgive a person depending on the level of significance or role this individual plays in your life. The hurt we experience can be from having an absent parent, failed relationships, family disputes, friendship wars etc.  For me it was my father from my pre-teens up to the age of twenty-one I was unable to forgive my father for his absence in my life. In my mind there was no explanation in the world that would change my mind on why I was angry and why he was not worthy of my forgiveness.

I quickly learned that the truth was choosing not to forgive him was hurting me more than it was hurting him, and if I continued to hold on it was going to only get worse for me. I create my own stories and belief system where I believed and continued to remind myself daily that he did not care about me and that the strain in our relationship did not affect him. The truth was all I had was assumptions and stories I allowed myself to create around his absence, I was stuck living in the past wishing for things that were already gone. I spent a lot of teenage years replaying the last day I remembered seeing my dad before he got sent away. The moment I began to do the work and reclaimed my time to begin  my healing process I quickly was present to the fact that the cost of not forgiving was too high I was punishing myself  with my own selfish thoughts years I  began to take responsibility for something that I had no control of . It is so easy for us to take the blame of someone's actions as if it is a reflection of something we did. "IF YOU KNEW BETTER YOU WOULD DO BETTER “literally, after plenty of time praying and soul searching, taking steps to heal and grow I began to understand why it is said that  Prayer brings forth revelation, it also helps you find compassion for that very same person that did you wrong. It is our job to invest time to look deeper than what you see beyond just that action that was done we would develop a greater understanding for that person.

In conclusion we must always be mindful of who are being and our selfish ways of thinking. It is important that we allow ourselves to get to know who a person is get to know their story. The moment we begin to connect to a person’s story and not what we have seen is when we will begin to change our perspectives and attitude. Life is not always about us the things we experienced is attached to God’s plans for our lives simply for us to learn what our purpose is and activate them knowing that we are in demand. The one thing to always keep in mind is that a person actions has nothing to do with us and who we are but everything to do with them. Once I was able to get complete with who my father was and what his past was like I understood that he did not even have the proper tools to be the father I needed him to be he was being a father the best way he knew how to be. I am now and will forever be grateful for him because even in his absence he was able to teach me a lot. The next time we are in a position to choose to forgive or to not forgive ask yourself “is the cost of not forgiving more rewarding than to just pray and let go"? with gratitude. Forgiving someone for all that they do to you does not make you a weak person, it just means your strong enough to love again. Who are we not to forgive, every day we are not always taking the right steps, but God loves us just the same?  love on those who hurt you they need You.

“When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God’s light shines upon you.
― Jon Krakauer,”