How many of you remember that old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me “. Growing up I really believed in that I would say I don’t care what people say about me if they do not touch me everything was okay The older I got I started realizing that words often do hurt more than a physical action. Even   constructive criticism or advice can be hurtful at times because, it is not that what you are saying is bad or wrong it really could just be how the message was given. I have been one that struggled with the way I chose to give advice or my opinion on something when asked. It is ok to be honest, it is ok to want the best for a friend or family member; the key is to make sure your words are not so piercing. The truth is you do not mean to hurt them but we can get so passionate about a subject that we forget to take each other’s feelings into consideration before speaking. In all essence it all boils down to being about not what you say but how you say it.

One of my best friends who I have been friends with for over ten years we would always never seem to agree on a lot sometimes, or she would be upset with me after having a conversation or asking for my opinion or advice. I never could understand why because in my mind I thought I was being a good friend, I thought I was being honest you know “that’s what real friends do” so I thought. I even experienced this at times with my mother because she is such an important part of my life at times I can get so passionate about something she may have done or said that I do not agree with or me just being over protective in that moment my message was not received well, in that process of stating how I felt I hurt her. These were things I had to get present with and really take the time to understand what I was doing wrong, learning how and who I was being for others.

The problem was never that I said anything wrong the problem was I did not understand that there was a time and a place for how and when I gave my honest opinions. Meaning that just because they came to me during the time things are taking place does not mean they are ready at that moment to receive my message. In that moment all they needed was for me to listen to understand not listen to critique or correct.  In the heat of events emotions are high nobody is ready to really accept reality, so there were times I had to tell myself to be quiet and listen not right now. We must be careful that in the process of giving advice to someone it does not come off as judgement being passed, we all at one point or another are guilty of looking into someone’s life or situations saying “that would never be me, I would never do that “. We cannot say what we will or will not do until we are in that position, they key is to love on them where they are listening to understand and when the time is right share our insight and knowledge when they are in a place to receive what you are saying. My Advice to everyone reading is to take more action in listening to understand, offer comfort and love. The best we can do in the meantime just pray for them, prayer and love are all people need let God work on their healing internally.